will we be together again?

the more i chat with him

the more i realized that we are further apart

I miss him

Has not seen him for 2 weeks on cam :-(

Do we?

Do we still like each other? Do we still believe in the future? I still like you but I don't know if we will ever have a future together. No matter what, I have done my best or my worst, whatever will be will be.

i do miss the good times

i do miss the good times i spent with him. what ultimately hurts me the most is when he asked me to like him less...

should i cancel my flights to bali and the hotel bookings?

Still smiling

Teddy is still smiling. Little did he knows that he will never see husky again.

[11:35:44 PM] Stefan: Good, guess everything is said then.

everything will never be said.

If I am really making you unhappy all the time, you should deal with the consequences and be brave.

Yes, i am not brave enough to call it off, or maybe i should, learning from my experience in Helsinki.

heal

been thinking about him today. I bought him a card and a giraffe soft toy last night.

Today, in class, professor mentioned about how releasing one emotions is a part of healing process. I wonder if i did the right thing whenever he mentioned about tum, and i got angry. He still has big issues over tum, and it will not go away any time soon. Should i initiate talk with him about tum, and know more about the story, and in a way, let him release his frustration, and heal his emotions in the process? I do not know.

I just hope that i can help him to get over this "issue". not for my benefits, as i believe that we will never be together.

still

mad and upset. ok, this is the first time in a long time i am still mad at what happened last night. i just wanna call it quit. When i think about what he said, i still get upset. Maybe i should like him less... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

fed up, mad and upset. He will never change his opinion of tum and of me.

It just hurts so much

Waited for 8 days and bang! A lousy chat. Really hurts. So much to tell and yet it only results in pain

Did he treasure me?

I think he took me for granted. Thinking back about my previous short datings, all of them treasure me more than him. A left his work place in the middle of the night to accompany me for supper. Walked in snowy weather just to tell me he miss me. T made sure I was ok. Even on facebook. And F, met me me even though he was tired, baked Cake for me, went online during work to chat with me, bought me a tee, sent me a postcard. They always tell how much they missed me, and appreciated me even though things don't work out due to the locations.

Yet for the owner of husky, I feel like shit. Whatever I do seems to be wrong. Writing emails, recording a video for him and now even liking him is too much. Yes. Maybe I am too much for him to handle. He has too many things on his to do list and I am too complicated and drama for him. You know what? It still hurts when I think of nov 28, the day he will be leaving Singapore. Maybe that is the day we will see each other for the last time.

and yes

i am complicated, according to you. maybe we are never meant to be together. wanted to tell u so much after a week, but hey, all i have is a crappy chat.

=(

perhaps he never know that i am willing to spend 1,600 for the air ticket to spend time with him in december, than spending 600 for my south korea expenses. all he think of, is him

you like me more than you should

thats what he wrote to me on skype, maybe i should like him a little less, and slowly, detach him from my life. whats after november?

time like this

i miss him so much and yet i could not do anything.

time like this makes me wonder if it is all worth it, spending time, money, and effort just for that 2 days of joy every 2 months. =(

I am glad that i drank tea

I had a couple of tea last night. For someone who is sensitive to caffaine, i did not managed to sleep well. So somehow, using my iphone, after 2 hours of waiting, he is finally online. We had a very good chat, and he was smiling again =) He sent me a photo of husky, and made me laugh. After some time, we said good bye. I am glad that i had tea and was able to chat with him. Miss him.

He did not come online

Waited half an hour for him. He did not come online. :-( wonder if he is ok.

A good chat

Just finished chatting with him. It was a short but pretty good chat. He smiled a couple of time today, during our chat, even though he look tired. I was so happy to be able to chat with him again, and i was actually smiling most of the time. I am happy now, and yes, i am easily satisfied.

My thoughts

This blog serves as a journal for me, to write down my feeling and thoughts as i am "dating", "seeing" someone who is far away from me.

3 more weeks, and i will be able to see him again. I have been thinking about him for the past few days or should i say almost everyday. Whenever i am feeling down, there is teddy for me. I miss him a lot, especially when the past 3 weeks have been rough for us. The last time we spent time together, we had a fight. Since then, things have been pretty rough between us. Our time on skype has been rather uncomfortable. He did not smile or seems to enjoy himself while chatting on skype with me. I look forward to skype session with him every time, and more often than not, in the past 3 weeks, it ended up in disappointment. I do not know when will the next time we chat again, as much as i would like to chat with him, i want it to be a good time, instead of us having an uncomfortable chat. He has judo class today, so we would not be chatting, perhaps till next wednesday or thursday. For now, i only have this blog to write down my thoughts.


I am looking forward to meeting him in 3 weeks time, and hopefully we will have a good time together. Maybe in this blog, i can write, i still like you, as much as when i met you the first time. I hope you still have the same feelings for me.